I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
