I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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