lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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