what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
