I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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