K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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