my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
