Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
