I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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