He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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