I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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