oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
