He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
