Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
