I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
