I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
