i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
