I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My feet surprised me
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