a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
