hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
