just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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