Can i not drive my cunt home
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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