omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i think im in europe. pls send help
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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