I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
