I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
