So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize