from now on my penis is your penis
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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