It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
