i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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