ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
