Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
