Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
