mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
