You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
