you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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