I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My balls are so social today.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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