Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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