I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
