If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
