So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
