i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
