What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
