We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
