Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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