do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
