don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
