It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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