I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
