Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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