The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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