After last night, I could never be a politician.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
