somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
