there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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