just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
