I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
