I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
