my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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