I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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