Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
