one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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