I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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