When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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