I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
