On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
