I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
where does the pee come out of this thing
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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