A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
