Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.