I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
