i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Welp...herpes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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