so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"