The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.