Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So do you want to come over? ;)

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

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  (612): So do you want to come over? ;) (763): Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/m0zn
  Replies (44) Good night (1159) Bad night (6823)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are

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  (301): I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are http://tfl.nu/5z46
  Replies (15) Good night (6335) Bad night (750)
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  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

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  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11657) Bad night (1173)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

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  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (1039) Bad night (3738)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...

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  (250): he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom... http://tfl.nu/aduc
  Replies (80) Good night (990) Bad night (6377)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.

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  (607): The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again. http://tfl.nu/rkzi
  Replies (27) Good night (6181) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.

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  (+61): Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme. http://tfl.nu/6yp3
  Replies (13) Good night (2681) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I had to brake up with him.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  In my experience drinking helps.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You dont want to know why?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Not really. I want to drink.

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  (480): I had to brake up with him. (602): In my experience drinking helps. (480): You dont want to know why? (602): Not really. I want to drink. http://tfl.nu/mwqo
  Replies (27) Good night (4594) Bad night (978)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.

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  (469): You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/g688
  Replies (2) Good night (2300) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

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  (931): And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara. http://tfl.nu/ndct
  Replies (6) Good night (1573) Bad night (389)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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  (773): I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c735
  Replies (4) Good night (886) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.

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  (920): i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat" (763): and this is why you're my favorite gay friend. http://tfl.nu/djrx
  Replies (6) Good night (1427) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.

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  (512): Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference. http://tfl.nu/5ngp
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (406)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?

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  (585): Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain? http://tfl.nu/ljpg
  Replies (0) Good night (587) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.

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  (+44): When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies. http://tfl.nu/0fef
  Replies (8) Good night (1543) Bad night (322)

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