haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.