The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.