I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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