ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out