once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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