you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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