If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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